Eyes of a Woman Prisoner
by Ms. New York
Summary: Last chapter is up. Very sad just for warning. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Eyes of a Woman Prisoner

**A/N: I am not sure if there were any women who were POWs. For the sake of the story, please let's say there is.(My imagination went wild. ) No profit is being made and don't own Hawkeye. Please review!! **

**Chapter 1**

The intoxicating aroma of vomit and blood spread throughout the prison cell like blood through a body. It is digesting, but there is no escape. It spreads quickly, and gets worse every day. This cell is mostly dirt and dark and depressing. Except for the little light over the barred window, there is nothing. They are blocked by metal bars. The sunlight shines very little in this cell. The sun shows freedom, without it, there is no hope. Rats come out and search for food, which cannot be found. There is hardly any food. They have one area of the cell. On the other side, is a woman. A woman by the name of Cicada Ginger Rose Sarkinsian. She is scrunched in a corner away from the barred window and barred window. She is in the dark praying for a miracle.

Her knees reach up to her head. Her blooded beaten hands hold on to them as she rocks slowly back and forth. She stares on the other side of the room, paranoid of making sure they don't bite. The last thing she needs is to get sick in this hellhole. Noticing they are not coming near her, Cicada stretches out her legs and stares straight at them.

They are burned, bruised, bashed and bloody and thin due to lack of food and sunlight. There was nothing she could do. The enemy does many things to a person, and beating is on top of the list. Cicada looks down at her feet as well. Barefoot, she is. Her shoes got all beat up and torn that she was forced to give them up. Her uniform is no longer in great shape. It is tattered and torn. It reaches up to her knees. (She ripped the uniform for something to put over her feet.) Besides, it no longer fits anyway. She is so small now due to malnutrition.

Cicada rests her head against the wall and tries to sleep. To relax. To think of a time that used to be. To not be frighten of her life every five minutes. She thinks of Heaven. How she wishes she could be there now instead of here. She wouldn't have to worry about war, people, wounds, or any worries she might have. Cicada also wishes she had wings to get out of this place. To fly away from everything and start over again in another place. She wouldn't have to talk about the past, her experiences but look forward to the present and what it has to give.

Her eyes are about close. She also thinks about one person that she last saw. _Hawkeye. _Finally, a face she could remember. She falls asleep, but not for very long.

In about five minutes, a man kicks her feet awake. Cicada's eyes open quickly as the man startled her and looks up. In front of her is a North Korean with a rifle in his hand and a glare on his face. Cicada is now scared.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The guard stared down at Cicada like a bird on its prey. He kicked her again, this time harder. Cicada got up and leaned against the wall for assistance for she was struggling. The guard kicked her once more but in the shin which pierced her blood and spilled out like a waterfall. There was nothing she could do. She winced in pain and put her arms near her chest crossed over as her eyes watched carefully at his every move.

On the loop of his pants, the guard pulled out a pair of shackles. They were rust colored and made the sound of coins dropping as he jingled them around in front of Cicada. He laughed an evil laugh; a sinister laugh. That laugh was so horrid that Cicada actually though that Satan was right there with her. It brought shivers to Cicada's spine.

The guard finally dropped his gun to the ground, which startled Cicada a little bit. He then drops down to Cicada's feet and puts the shackles on. He closes them tight which felt like the circulation of her legs are gone. She looks down at her legs. _They can bound my body, but not my spirit. _She thought.

The guard then stood up and grabbed another pair of shackles. These were for her hands. He pulled her hands forward and snapped them on quickly. Her raw hands were once again bound. He then pulls her forward and puts Cicada in front of him. He picks up his gun and points at her back. He pushes her to move, to walk. At first, it is difficult, but she got used to it. They head out to the sunlight.

--

At first, the sunlight is a stranger, but after a few minutes, it became a friend. The guard continues to push Cicada forward. She stumbles somewhat, but the guard just hits her with the gun which keeps her going.

They walk for a few minutes on the deserted dirt rocky road. Finally, they find a group of prisoners and North Koreans supervising near a grassy field. They have got to there destination. The guard continued to push Cicada forward until he reached his comrades. They speak in Korean as he approaches. They then gave Cicada a scythe with the most sharpest blade and point to the fields where the other prisoners were chopping grass down. The North Koreans wanted her to do the same thing. At first, Cicada didn't understand, but one of the North Koreans pushed her hard and she fell to the ground. The blade of the scythe almost cut her. _Just let me die now!! _she thought. Cicada pulled herself up using the scythe as a staff and dragged herself to be with the other prisoners.

--

Words are a language that makes the world go round. They are a path of life. Whether they are different or gibberish, they are still a language. People use it everyday to read, write but mostly, talk. People talk to families, friends and strangers on the streets. To talk and able to communicate is a gift. Many people have the power to. But for some, it's challenging. These people, the 'unfortunate' try the best and the hardest to communicate. But they can't. They open their mouths for words to form, but nothing comes out. They are blank and quiet. These people get frustrated and try to shout their lungs out and no sound comes out. No one hears them. No one hears their thoughts. These people assume they don't care for their opinion. The truth: they do, but don't understand and quit interpreting. The unfortunate finally give up and live life in darkness and alone.

Prisoners get the same experience. For so long they are isolated from the world they forget how to interact and talk to one another. They don't even bother to talk and keep to themselves because, like here, no one understands. Cicada and the others feel this and can't get rid of it.

The sun beats on Cicada's back like a heat wave that won't go away. Her hands get sweater and the sores on her hands get worse and burns. It also makes her lose grip of the scythe because it is slippery. She ignores it and put her mind somewhere else. _Hawkeye. _

Hawkeye Pierce, a doctor of the 4077th MASH was everything a girl could dream of in a guy. Good-looking and a swell flirter. The first time Hawkeye saw Cicada on the camp, he wasted no time giving her the tour. Cicada wanted to live this again. She wanted to dance and hold his shoulders and smell the cologne he stole from a bunkmate. The smell put her in a trance and she loved it. She wanted to look through his ocean-blue eyes and have all her worries drift away, just like the ocean. She wanted her lips against his and never let go until out of breath. She wanted his arms to surround her body and protect her from anything. From strangers, and death, but mostly war.

If only, if only.

Cicada comes back to reality and continues to chop grass for reasons unknown to her and hoping Hawkeye was safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

For the majority of the day, Cicada and the rest of the prisoners chopped the grass. It was silent, except for the noise of the scythe blade against the grass and the shackles making a haunting sound as they walked. The sound was in a rhythm almost, and it scared Cicada. The reason was still unknown for doing this. Was it for another prison camp? Was it for a new minefield or to but labor on them for the hell of it? Any suggestion was possible.

Cicada did the best she could. Her hands were sweating and getting blisters from the grip of the scythe. She was also in barefoot and her feet were getting cut up for walking in the grass and the travel to here. It was painful, blood was leaving a trail of her path. She winced as she walked and almost cried, but what could crying do? It could get her into even more trouble. No one would care for her tears or pains she has or ever will have. There was no point in crying, especially here.

She continued to chop until the sun set in the horizon and the colors of yellow and pink filled the sky. Cicada and the other prisoners admires it for a moment until the guards literally whips them away. The North Korean guards grabs their prisoners and head back to the cells. To them, these prisoners are not human, but cattle.

Inside the cell, Cicada sat in her corner relieved that a hard day of work was done. She has only been here for two weeks and never before she had to work and also relieved the shackles were gone. She grabbed her knees and once again rocked back and forth. She looked down toward her feet. The wounds were severe. Dirt was covering the scabs but Cicada could see the blood. The light was getting dim, but she could tell. The sky that was covered with yellow and pink was now turning dark and black as midnight.

Cicada was never this scared and darkness was making it worse. Cicada wanted to be free and healthy. She wanted to run with the wind away from everything. She wanted to run until her heart started pounding, like the wild horse in the desert. The thought got Cicada anxious and she had to get up and pace around the cell. The sky was now dark and reflected it in the cell.

Suddenly, she just froze. Cicada stared at one of the walls. Her mind went into a flashback on how she got here.

**A/N: I know it's short, but I'm working on the flashback with some trouble. Please bare with me if you are reading and thank you for the reviews. Please continue reviewing, it helps me and any ideas are welcome. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N**: **I hope I did a good job. This is the flashback. It was going to be in Italics, but it was all underlined. Anyway, please enjoy and review.**

It was six-o-clock. Cicada remembered that night. She didn't know that six-o-clock was a deadly time.

Cicada was taking Hawkeye Pierce back to the 4077th MASH after two days of never ending work in a aid station. Her hands were on the wheel and her eyes were concentrated on the dirt road. Cicada first met him at the 4077th where she was filling in as a nurse with some others. There was an epidemic of the flu going around and calls were being made for nurses. After her duty at the MASH unit for a week, she was called to the aid station for assistance as well. They needed a surgeon as well and it was Hawkeye's turn.

Cicada and Hawkeye got along well (especially at night), since they knew each other. Each one worked diligently and successfully for the two days. They were a great team. But now, the adventure was over and each had to got their separate ways... alive in this war.

The drive was peaceful, Hawkeye was trying to con Cicada into staying at the 4077th with him. Of course, she couldn't, her unit needed her more than Hawkeye needed her. But he was going to keep trying anyway.

"You could stay for a nightcap and in the morning, do the same thing all over again." Hawkeye said facing her.

"I can't Hawkeye. I have to go back to my unit or I'll be dead!" Cicada answered back without taking her eyes off the road to face him.

"Oh, come on, Cicada. "

"Nope, sorry Hawkeye."

They continued arguing until out of the blue, bullets and shell fire filled the air. The sound was like thunder, really loud thunder with no escape. The bullets were shooting fiercely in every direction. Each shot seemed it was getting closer.

Cicada pulled the jeep over to the side. Hawkeye and Cicada jumped our and ducked behind the jeep. There was no place to go; the grass fields weren't high enough to high them without being caught. Hawkeye kept Cicada close to him and put his arm around her waist. Cicada's hands were on top of her head.

The shooting of both bullets and shell fire continued for a few minutes until one shell came close to the jeep and forced it to tip over on the Hawkeye and Cicada. They were slightly wounded in the legs and backs but were able to walk out from underneath the jeep. It was painful, but they got out barely. With what energy they had, Hawkeye and Cicada started to run, but didn't get very far. As they ran, there were North Korean soldiers armed.

--

There was four of them, but for some reason, their shadows looked as if there were more. But there were four. Their guns were pointed at Hawkeye and Cicada. They proudly surrendered with their hands in the air. The four enemy soldiers talked amongst themselves in Korean. They kept pointing to Hawkeye and Cicada. Probably deciding what to do.

"Hey, Hawk?" Cicada whispered.

"Yo" He answered in the same tone.

"If we die right here, I want you to know that I loved every minute we spent together. I mean it. You are not like any other guy I have dated. The others were jerks, but you.. you are a dream come true."

"Oh thanks. I say the same with you, Cicada. Can't we just make a run for it?"

"Ok, sure, with our bad backs and legs we'll run. Absolutely, we'll make great time. May I remind you they have guns and can shoot us on the spot? I really don't want to run and die."

"I'm sorry. It was only an idea."

"A really bad idea, Hawkeye."

The North Koreans stopped talking and came closer to their new prisoners. Cicada could see the sweat on their foreheads and could smell it. They were examining them to see what they could do to them.

Two soldiers took Hawkeye aside and hit him with the butts of the guns. Blood was starting to show. They continued to beat him. The pain was horrible and would leave bruises on him physically and emotionally. Hawkeye went straight to the ground but was pulled up again to have ropes wrapped around his hands. The North Koreans pushed him up. He screamed in horror and pain; he even cried for mercy which is something Hawkeye Pierce never did. Cicada tried to step forward to help him, but was immediately stopped by the pointed guns to her chest. Her eyes watered at Hawkeye's sight. Her dark brown eyes were once happy with joy; but now are filled with salt tears. The sight of the amount of blood got her the most. It was making a puddle. Cicada almost brought up her breakfast. The taste was awful; but she managed to keep it in.

Finally, Hawkeye was put in a jeep. Blood was all over. Cicada looked at him. His ocean eyes were filled with terror and confusion. What was to become of him? Would he live or die? Hawkeye thought of this as he sat. He looked toward Cicada and gave a little wave goodbye, perhaps the last goodbye. He stared at Cicada until he left. And she was alone, with the enemy.

Since they didn't have another jeep, they were to walk. At first, Cicada was hesitant but after a hit or two with a gun, she went on.

And here she was.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**A/N: I got the song Cicada sings from "****Babe****" the movie. I don't know what it has to do with anything in the story but, I liked it and I thought she need sing something reassuring. (And I know the song wasn't around in the 1950s.) I do not own it. Please enjoy anyway and review! I really want to know what you think. **

Cicada remembered that day. After all, it wasn't that long ago. Two weeks. She remembered the blood. It was bright red and mixed in with the dirt ground. The sight made Cicada look away. _So much blood. So much blood came from one man. _She thought. She never knew that a doctor could bleed so much.

Cicada still stood looking toward the wall. She was hunched over because of losing her balance and her eyes were bulge out. Her pupils were black and her brown eyes looked it too. That flashback made Cicada realize she never saw Hawkeye after that. She looked down at her uniform(or what's left of it) and saw her own blood. It reminded her of the puddle of his blood. It made her sick that she threw up right there.

That wasn't a good feeling for Cicada. Now the whole cell smelled of fresh vomit. She didn't know what came over her. She felt like crying, but didn't want to make matters worse. But it did. Out of nowhere, her legs gave up and she went down right into her mess. She knew it was coming, after all, her knees don't shake for any reason. Cicada just let herself fall, even into the vomit and her knees slammed the ground hard. It felt like cement. If she was lucky, maybe her knees cracked. _If that happened, maybe I won't have to go to the fields tomorrow. _She thought. _That is, if I do go to the fields... _No matter, she wouldn't worry for now.

Cicada sat on her knees and slowly scooted to the side away from the mess. Then again, she wouldn't be all away because she already had it on herself. The traveling was painful, even if it wasn't that far away. Cicada then went into fetal position on the ground and rocked herself back and forth on her side. Her hands were around her chest, since she really didn't want them around her knees and started singing in a low whisper voice:

"_If I had words to make a new day for you, _

_I'll sing you a morning golden and new. _

_I would make this day last for all time_

_Give you a night _

_Deep in moonshine." _

Cicada kept repeating these lines and made her somewhat better inside under the circumstances. She kept singing until she fell asleep. It was slow, but it finally happened and nothing interrupted her this time.

--

The sun was shining into the little cell. The light made a streak in it and half the cell was light once again. The sun shone on Cicada's cheek and it woke her. Her eyes fluttered for a few minutes until she decided to open them all the way. She stared and remembered where she was. In Korea, in a prison cell of the North Korean territory, in a place of inhumanity. Oh yes, she remembered. Cicada got to a sitting position and stretched her legs out in front of her. Her knees were dried after last night and the same with the spot she did it at.

Out of the blue, her guard jingled his keys to open the door. Scared she was going to the fields, Cicada prepared herself. But, he didn't grab her; instead he gave her a bowl of food with chopsticks. He then walked out casualty and locked the cell door again.

Cicada grabbed the bowl and looked inside. Gruel. It wasn't the best in the world, but she needed something to fill her stomach. She grabbed the chopsticks and started eating. Obviously, the rats heard her eat and came out wanting some. But Cicada didn't give in and ate every last bit. She put the bowl next to her and observed the rats searching it. They found nothing and went back to their hole. Cicada laughed in her head.

A few minutes later, the guard came back and dragged her out of the cell once again. He took her by the wrists and Cicada's knees scratched across the floor because he wouldn't let her walk. Before this, he first took the bowl and put it on his desk. Following this, he grabbed the two shackles and cuffed her wrists and ankles. Lastly, taking his gun, he pointed it in front of him, with Cicada as well and she started limping outdoors and into the fields once more.

--

Cicada did the same routine as the day before. The blades were sharper than ever and the sound they made as they hit the grass was twice as haunting. . This time, though, there was different people as well as the same. Perhaps this time, there was more people. But, each one did a section of the field.

During the midday, something happened. Whether it was the heat or something else, but it happened.

Cicada was chopping when the North Koreans came into the fields. They had whips and they were using them. They just snapped. Everyone was scrabbling figuring out what to do and wondering why they were doing this. The North Koreans kept running in the fields grabbing their prisoners. The US troops were invading.

Cicada's guard whipped everything out of her to keep moving. She shouted her lungs out but that just got her to more pain and whips. Finally tired of the shouting, the guard did the unthinkable. He took his gun and hit her in the head with the butt. Cicada fell. The guard summit a medic, and one came running. He was American.

The medic looked at Cicada. Her eyes were open and he examined her. There was something familiar about him. She looked through his eyes and the medic into hers. He knew who she was and visa verse.

_Hawkeye. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Hawkeye Pierce. The man who only two weeks ago was a normal weight young man, cut shaven and well fit. Now, he was scrawny looking and had a beard with some gray hairs showing. His eyes, which were once a bright cerulean blue were now darken with gray from fear. His surgical hands were cut and bruised from the shackles and rope he was cuffed with. And his body; his body looked as it he was starving for food for weeks. He starves not only food, but freedom the most.

As he examined Cicada, he knew who she was instantly. He gave her a wide smile of his teeth and she smiled back because now she knows that she was safe. But her smile was painful from her wound of the gun butt from the guard.

Suddenly, Cicada's view got dark. The wound must of been more severe than she thought. But everything went black and the last thing she saw was Hawkeye's profile. The only thing she could remember was Hawkeye saying to her: "Nothing more is going to happen to you, I promise."

Her eyes then shut and she was carried by him with her guard at his side just to make sure his prisoner wasn't going to escape.

**--**

**1 Week Later-- North Korean Hospital**

It has been a week since the day the US troops had invaded. A week since Cicada and Hawkeye saw each other for the first time in two weeks. A week since Cicada got her head injury from her guard and it wasn't healing quickly or properly enough. She started dreaming and the theme always the same: death.

_A man stand in a dirt road. There is barbed wire on each side of the road. Each wire has sharp points waiting for anyone to jab. There is no one around except him. It is dead silent. The only sound you could hear is the man's deep slow breathing. The sound is heavy and in the same rhythm: _inhale, exhale, inhale exhale... _His heart pounds like a drum. _pa pum pa pum...

_The face of this man is unknown for he is blurred. There are no names or any signs of identification. He does not talk. There is no one to talk to. _

_His fatigues are torn and ragged like. The were once Army green, but now were a darken red. Blood red. He looks down at himself slowly and comes back up. He was in no pain and yet he is filled with blood. He didn't see any wounds and the blood was still there. As he came up, he stared straight ahead at a vast of nothing. He is so concentrated, he is so focused. And his hands, his hands were at his side and raised as if he was expecting something to happen. _

_Out of nowhere, there was a gun shot. The sound was loud and hit the man. He is shot in the head. He instantly falls to the ground on his stomach. The blood starts flowing into a river onto the ground. There is no more sound, no more breathing. _

_-- _

Cicada immediately sat up after the dream. She was swimming in cold sweat. She was spooked and didn't know if it meant someone was going to die or just some trauma she had to deal with. She was for once in a safe environment. The room she was in was clean, no rats, or little holes in the corners. Cicada enjoyed it all, even if it was in enemy territory. She was still suspiciously. After all, you can't always trust the enemy.

There was a squeak at the door. The door knob slowly turned. Cicada grabbed her covers and lifted her knees to her chin and braced herself to the worse. She was biting her lower lip and the door opened...

To her relief, it was only Hawkeye. Her doctor. He was now cleaner than the day at the field. And he walked with a limp, just like her.

"Cicada?" He said. "It's alright, I'm just your average Joe coming to check up on you. How have you been?" He also asked as he started checking her vital signs.

"Now relieved that it's only you. I have been so worried about you, Hawkeye. Where did they take you?"

Hawkeye was hesitant at the question and had a long pause before answering, but he finally said with a sigh. "They took me up North. It was about a two hour drive. It was about the enemy lines. They locked me up in a extremely small cell with no opening. It was dark and dreary. It smell like a cellar. Anyway, they kept me cuffed and in there to what seemed like a day or two before they could figure out what the were going to do to me and feed me.

"They finally decided to use me as a medic. There wasn't much supplies but it would have to do. I treated so many people. The majority of them died due to lack of supplies. I would work for 14 hours and go back to my cell for the rest of the day. The only food I got was some gruel looking stuff and water and it was only one meal. We were transferred or traveling to where you were and then our troops came and then, there we were. You and me."

Cicada was shocked to hear this. She never thought that Hawkeye would get the same treatment as her. "Oh, Hawkeye, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry, Cicada? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yea, I did. I drove the jeep that day. I was responsible for everything. And now, we need to get out of it."

"Believe me, Cicada this would of happened either way. How do you supposed we get out of here?"

"I have no idea. Am I going to get healed quickly enough?"

"Your pupils are fine, but you may have to stay here for at least three more days just to be safe."

"Exactly, I can't plan anything until I'm well. I will have to wait it out. But I'm not sure how long I can stay here for before going nuts."

"You don't worry about that, just get some rest for now and I'll see you in a few hours." Hawkeye leaned over to kiss Cicada and she kissed back. It felt good again.

"Alright." That was the best present Cicada has had all day. With that, Hawkeye left and closed the door behind him. For Cicada, she just sat and started to plan.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Please review!! Bad, good, medium, ok? **

The plan was simple, a piece of cake. They would run and escape at night. It was absolutely simple. The day after tomorrow. Not many people would be on guard, besides if they were, there was a possibility that they would be too drunk to care. Because everybody doesn't expect anything to happen at a hospital. If anyone did make an attempt to escape, they wouldn't make it very far. The people would be too sick to get very far. Cicada had it planned. She and Hawkeye would go to the 4077th. Cicada would find a way home; she was MIA, injured by the enemy severely so the chances of her going home were in her favor. But first, she must get out of here.

Cicada sat in her hospital bed. Her personal guard was outside the door. Fortunately for her, there was a window that wasn't barred in her room. They could escape from there. It was a little high and looked as if it wasn't opened for years, but Hawkeye is strong and hopefully will be able to open it without damaging his hands. It shouldn't be a problem. She would use the bed sheets to climb down, just like the movies with the heroes and the damsels in distress. But she would have to wait two days, two whole days. Better than nothing.

Cicada laid back again, and stared at the ceiling. Darkness was falling fast. Hawkeye still didn't come back, but there's nothing to worry, he could be held up with patients and other items. Cicada knew he would come; possibly tomorrow. That would be the time she would tell him her plan.

She closed her eyes steadily and slowly. She was exhausted once again thanks to her wound. There was nothing else to do and she was going into a deep sleep.

--

_A woman stands near a tree on top of a hill. It is maple and it's huge branches cover her like a shadow. They shield her from the Sun's beautiful damaging rays. She is wearing a silk red dress that reaches her feet and has a scarf wrapped around her head. She leans against the tree and watches down. There are houses and activity down there. She was never invited. She was never invited to much. This gave her the time to herself. The time she deserves. The time to reflect on her problems, wishes and dreams. _

_The town was small. A 'community' as she calls it. There has been so many times the woman tries to fit into the town; to be one of them, but no one accepts her. The elders would call her an "outsider" or "wannabe" . Deep down, the woman knew it was true. Especially the young men of the town. _

_The woman had her shares of relationships. None of them lasted very long. Two or three months. If she was lucky, sometimes, six. Each man left for the same reason; she was different. _

_Different. A word that separated her from the world. _

_Each man left her crying and begging to stay. Each man left for someone else. The woman can't change herself. Why should she? Different is good in some ways. And she shouldn't change. __**They should. **_

_Eventually, the woman gave up on this town and did her routine. Get up, dressed, go to work, come home, eat and go to sleep. No socializing, no partying or getting drunk. Just staying home. She would get lonely, but no one would accept her for who she is. _

_The woman reflected this as she watched from the tree. __**Her tree**__. She came thinking that she could no longer stand being alone. She could no longer stand being snickered at or laughed at. The woman would never marry, or have kids because she is different. Any place she could go would consider her a "loner" or "lone wolf". She has made a decision. _

_She must escape her memories. The memories of what was and what will be. She must. And she had a solution. _

_She climbed the tree to one of the branches. She took off her scarf and tied one end to the tree tight. The other around her neck. This was the solution. She took one last glimpse at the little town and looked toward the sky to what she could see of it. "Help Me!" were her last words. _

_The woman then jumped down from the tree gently so she wouldn't break the scarf. And she hung. _

_--_

Cicada woke up startled. That woman, was like her. She was different also. It was just like her. But it's doubtful she would kill herself.

It was still dark. Darker than a cave. Cicada got herself together and went back to sleep.

The next morning, Hawkeye came in. Cicada awoke and saw him standing there. He was checking her charts. "Hi," she started.

"Good morning to you, my dear." Hawkeye replied in a good mood.

"Guess what? I figured out how to get out here tomorrow."

"How, may I ask?"

"Well, you see that window?" she pointed behind him. "I figure we climb it and with these bed sheets, we could climb down with them and run for our lives."

"I like it. Simple, easy to remember. Ok. How about 10:00 tomorrow evening I'll come. No one is around at that time. Are you fine with this?"

"Deal!"

They continued to talk for over an hour and Hawkeye helped Cicada out of bed and walked around with the guard right behind them the whole time. Afterwards, she took a shower, got into new clothes and was able to eat real food, which still tasted horrible. Cicada pretty much stayed active the whole day and fell asleep instantly. Tomorrow, they would escape to freedom.

--

**The Next Day**

The next day went pretty quickly. Most of the day, Cicada was nervous about the whole situation. Would she die? Would she be more tortured? She has seen things not woman or human being should ever see. And now, they would haunt her. Cicada wondered if her life would be the same after this experience and how would she cope. Her life would definitely not be the same.

And Hawkeye? Hawkeye would have to limp for the rest of his life. Something he can't even fix and he is a doctor. Patients and even his kids (if any) would ask how he got it and he can't say polio. He would hide his trauma. His face would possibly go white as he figure out a lie. He may tell patients it was war. That would be the answer he would have to go for.

Cicada didn't know what to tell people when she was asked. But no one would ask her so she wasn't concerned.

Hawkeye came in and out all day. He was also anxious of the night to arrive. They each made out a few times without being caught. They predicted that it was the last time they would see each other and the only time they'll be able to do it. It felt good. Their lips locked and welcomed back the feeling they lost weeks ago. The moisture gave Cicada shivers and a tingling feeling inside. She welcomed it. And Hawkeye too.

They spend two hours making out. It made time fly fast. After, Hawkeye left to see other patients and Cicada sat until the time was here doing her regular routine.

--

**10:00 that evening**

Hawkeye arrived on schedule. Cicada was up and already tying up bed sheets together. They worked quickly and quietly so no one would hear them or suspect anything. Hawkeye went to open the window, which he got with a lot of effort.

When Cicada was finished, she handed Hawkeye the "rope" and he tied it to the window and dropped it down to the ground. It was about two feet to the bottom and each weren't' going to take the risk of breaking something.

He boosted Cicada up and she sat on the edge for a minute before going down. It was chilly out. "See you at the bottom" she said. And she started to go down.

Cicada acted like a pro climber. Taking each step easy. She didn't rush it and didn't fall. She made it to the bottom in stride. And Hawkeye came down. He too took an easy. Everything was going as planned and he was going to get out of here. He came to the bottom and they both ran. Ran into the darkness with the moon and the stars as their only light.

--


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Cicada and Hawkeye ran deep into the night. They were quiet and their breaths were the only thing they could hear. Each one was wishing that God was on their side. Cicada had to be extra careful since she was barefoot. The only way to make this worse was to get severely hurt... again.

They ran hand in hand arm stretched from each other. They heard fire, coming from the east, but it wasn't in their directions. Both of them predicted that since they weren't far from the south, (38th Parallel) they should get to the 4077th in about two hours.

After about forty five minutes of jogging and walking fast, they took a break. They sat near some bushes and caught their breaths. It was already 12:45.

"You think, we're safe Hawkeye?" Cicada asked between breaths.

"I think so, but I can't be sure. I never worked in this area before." Hawkeye replied.

"So," Cicada put her hand back and felt something and looked at it. It felt cold and clammy and somewhat bumpy. "Hey, Hawk? Is there anything on my hand?" She showed him her hand.

Hawkeye glanced at it and quickly replied "No. Not that I can see."

"Oh, ok." She put her hand back and felt the same thing. She went through the bush and came clean. She was stunned to find an arm. An arm to a little boy. "Hawkeye!" She shrieked. "Look!"

Hawkeye saw the little boy. He was dead for about a day. Hawkeye checked to see what the damage was to the bullet. Straight through the chest. Straight through the heart. He found his head and looked at it. Couldn't be no more than five years old. The boy's eyes were shut tight. Hawkeye wondered where the parents were but took the thought back since he realized that this was war, and in war everyone suffers, even the children. He supposed that the parents were either dead or fighting the war. Hawkeye's face dropped at the thought as he gently put the boy back to his position. He looked at Cicada and back at the boy. He eyes were mesmerized by the sight. He was only a boy, not yet a man. And he was already dead. Hawkeye couldn't bare it. Sure he saw them at the 4077th, but he was able to save them. This boy he did not.

"Should we bury him?" Cicada asked after the long silence.

"No.. We should keep him the way his is so that if family comes looking for him one day, they can finally find his body right here."

"Oh. You ready to move on, Hawk?"

"Yeah, let's go." With that, he stood up and helped Cicada and off they went again. Hawkeye looked back one last time at the boy and hoped for the best.

--

**1:00 a.m. Cross roads for 4077****th****. **

"Look, Hawkeye. A sign!" Squinting her eyes to see what it said, she read out loud. "4077th Ten miles. We're almost here, Hawkeye1 We made it! We are free."

"No, not yet. We still have a long way to go. We are still trapped here, in this God forsaken country. And without peace here soon, we'll be staying here for the rest of our lives. So, yes, Cicada we are free, but we are still trapped."

There was silence after that and they walked till they got there. It was 2:00 in the morning. There was no crowd except Corporal Max Klinger who was on patrol. He greeted them, then woke up Colonel Potter.

"What in the same hell is it, Klinger?" The Colonel asked angrily.

"Sir, Captains Pierce and Sarkinsian are back. And look horrible." The frighten Corporal replied.

The Colonel sprang up from his bed and went to see for himself. He grabbed his robe and followed Klinger outside.

"Pierce! Thank God. We thought you were dead, son. What happen?"

" I rather not talk about it now, Colonel."

"I understand son. Why don't you go to the Swamp? I'll make sure the captain here will be settle."

"Alright. Cicada, see you in the morning." He kissed her goodnight and left to the Swamp, still limping.

"Good night, Hawk. Colonel, if it's alright with you, may I call Tokyo tomorrow? To see what I can do I mean?"

"Yes, Captain. But right now, follow the Corporal here to the VIP tent. As for me, I'm going to hit the sack again. WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTIONS!" He shouted pointed to Klinger.

"Yessir. Good night, sir. Right this way, ma'm." Colonel Potter left and took Cicada to the tent. When Klinger left, she looked around and flopped onto the bed without any mercy. It was good to be with American people again, real good.

**A/N: It ain't over yet. Maybe one or two more chapters. Please review. **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you, Meatball Surgeons for the fast review!! LOL**

Hawkeye crept into the Swamp as silently as possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't quiet enough. The door creaked, and it banged loudly behind him. BJ stood right up in his bed and looked toward the door.

"Whose there?" He asked. He rolled his eyes and turned on a light. He saw a thin young man standing and his uniform a wreck. "HAWKEYE?!" BJ sprang up faster than a heartbeat and hugged Hawkeye. "You're alive! We were so worried about you."

With the outburst, Charles got up. "Pierce?" He said in a groggy voice. "Welcome back. Please excuse me, I would like to go back to sleep, since I never sleep with you here. So excuse me." Charles fell back to sleep.

BJ was warm and friendly to Hawkeye. He looked into his friend's eyes and saw distress and frustration. He had bags under his eyes and Hawkeye's eyes were weak and BJ saw this. Hawkeye went to his cot and sat at the edge. He looked at his hands and at his feet. He also looked at the still and debated whether to have a drink. He went against it since he was already wasted.

"So uh- Hawk, what happened? You look horrible. Want me to go get some bandages and patch you up?"

"Uh, maybe tomorrow, Beej. Right now, if you don't mind, I would like to go to sleep."

"Sure, no problem. See you in the morning and welcome back."

"Yea, thanks."

BJ shut his lamp and went back to sleep himself. As for Hawkeye, he had trouble finding sleep, but he finally found it.

--

**The Next Morning**

"AHHH! AHHH! Help me!!" Hawkeye shouted in his sleep.

"Hawk wake up! It's only a dream. Hawkeye!" BJ tried to hold him down and Charles actually helped for once. Hawkeye's ocean blue eyes came wide open and stared at BJ.

"What are you doing? Get off of me." Hawkeye said.

"You had a dream, and were screaming. You don't remember?"

"I only remember the screaming, not the dream. Now, get off of me and excuse me as I'll get myself some lousy breakfast."

"Whatever you say."

With that, he rose and went to the mess tent. BJ and Charles close behind.

In the mess tent, everyone had heard that Hawkeye was back and gave him a little surprise. But they were surprised more at his appearance. He was unshaved severely, covered with bruises and blood as well as his uniform which was ripped and torn in strips. He also walked with a limp which was also noticeable. People stepped out of his way as he got a cold cup of coffee. They all realized that this wasn't the same surgeon that left here, but someone completely different, someone new. Cicada was also in the crowd since she couldn't sleep, and also saw the change. He slightly smiled to her, but it was a weak smile. Not the smile that charmed her before. Everyone of the 4077th were stunned and disappointed to what war could do to a person.

BJ sat with Potter and Margaret and explained the night terrors.

"It's his first day back, if it doesn't stop in three days, we'll put a call to Sidney Freedman." The Colonel replied as he put his fork in some powdered eggs.

"We should clean up those wounds." Margaret said in concern as she looked at him. "They don't look too good."

"After breakfast. We'll also help Captain Sarkinsian." The Colonel said.

After that conversation, they ate in silence. Hawkeye sat with Cicada at another table and ate like pigs. It may have not been the best food in the world, but it was better than gruel. They have never been so grateful to Army food than now.

As breakfast ended, BJ took Cicada and Hawkeye the clinic and healed their wounds. He was amazed at how badly they were beaten. BJ tried to ask questions, but each one would change the subject or pretend not to hear. BJ also took x-rays and saw a broken rib in Cicada and a sprain arm in Hawkeye. He bandaged them up and they went on their way.

Cicada exited the clinic and went to the phone to call Tokyo and figured out where she should go. Cicada told her wounds and Hawkeye's as well, they came to the conclusion that Cicada could go home in about three weeks. Cicada was overjoyed but asked what will happen to Hawkeye. They said that he would recuperate at his unit, or go to Tokyo General and heal there and going back to his position as doctor at his MASH unit. Cicada would stay there till the end of the week, and would get picked up to head to Tokyo General Hospital.

Cicada hung up and felt horrible for Hawkeye that he couldn't go with her. After all that he has been through, he couldn't go home.

_Has he now right? Has he not been wound by the enemy? Has he not served his country? It's not fair_. Cicada thought this and visited Hawkeye.

"They said I shouted in my sleep last night" Hawkeye said as Cicada came into the Swamp and offered her a drink.

"At least you slept. It took me a while to fall asleep. I wasn't used to the bed and kept having flashbacks."

"Of what?" He asked and gave her a drink of a martini.

"Everything. What about you?"

"My capture. You remember that day?" Hawkeye asked as he looked at his hands.

"Yes, very much. I can't get it out of my mind."

"I remember it here and there. The blood, the violence, the guns. My blood. It was me. My blood. My wounds. And no one cared." He said in somewhat in a whisper.

Cicada was silent as the words haunted her. _My blood. My wounds. And no one cared._ That was the way she felt, alone and cold and now one around in her cell. She didn't know how to break the news to Hawkeye that she was going home. She couldn't do it now. He was so deep into his thoughts. Cicada finished her martini and kissed Hawkeye goodbye and left. She was going to walk for a while. She walked slower now, and had a little limp, but now as bad as Hawkeye's. She still walked slow. She knew that Hawkeye needed to be left alone.

And so Hawkeye sat. He covered his head with his hands, and quietly began to cry.

--

**Three Nights Later 2:00 a.m.**

"You can't take me alive!! NOOOOO! Help me. Help me!'' Hawkeye once again shouted. BJ sprung up and held him down. Margaret heard it and came it.

"Hawkeye! Hawkeye!" She shouted. "You're only dreaming! Wake up!" Margaret shouted for a few more minutes, then ran outside for some water. She came back in the Swamp and dumped the water on him. Hawkeye instantly woke up. Colonel Potter also heard the commotion, but came when he was up and about.

"Are you OK, Pierce? You had us worried." He asked.

"I'm fine now, Colonel. Really, I'm fine. Don't give me those looks. Really. Go back to sleep. Thank you for the bath, Margaret or whoever."

BJ, Margaret, Charles and Colonel Potter all went outside.

"Well, it's been three nights, and he is still having the nightmare. Does the other captain have these nightmares too?" the elderly man enquired.

"I have heard stirring somewhat, but not shouting, sir." Margaret answered.

"OK. BJ, you keep an eye on Hawkeye. It's time to find out what's going on inside. I'll have Klinger call in Sidney Freedman first thing in the morning. Until then, let's pray for the best."

With that, everyone went back to bed. Tomorrow, will be another day.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9

_A/N: I'm not sure if I got Sidney in character and apologize if I don't, I tried my best. I'm also not a medicine person and don't know diagnoses. Also not good at maps and locations. The memory that Hawkeye has is based on an actual event that my grandfather saw during WWII. It's sad but he does remember it and sometimes has flashbacks of it. The only difference is that it was in Japan and he was in the Navy and didn't dwell on it as Hawkeye has. I also would like to thank you for the reviews and hope you keep on reviewing! Please enjoy. _

Morning came by. It started raining the night before after Hawkeye's incident. The morning fog came rolling in and the air was cool and misty. There was puddles filled with dirty water. As people stepped in it, mud splashed everywhere from boots to pants. This was a relief to the 4077th; they been having a drought. So for this, they were grateful.

Colonel Potter made sure that Corporal Klinger put a call to Sidney Freedman. He was a traveling psychiatrist in Korea and a close knit to the 4077th. He usually came by and made sure mental health was in good shape. He came by often or whenever he could. He would come by in mid-afternoon.

Reassured that he would be coming, the elderly man came to the mess tent for breakfast. Greeting him was BJ and Margaret. Charles was headed in as well, but sat down at a table. Hawkeye was with Cicada at another table. She was eating and he was drinking his coffee in silence. The Colonel was looking over at them.

"Sidney is going to be here this afternoon, so that's good. I'm surprised that the woman hasn't cracked yet. I suggest he get a session with her too. She just doesn't talk. I wonder if I could get her personal record... No matter. You ladies and gentlemen don't have to worry about a thing." With that, he went into the line to get he usual powdered eggs and bacon. He then came back, and sat with the three.

"What could of happened to him?" Margaret asked as she sipped her coffee. She was also well concerned for the chief surgeon.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, Sidney will get it out in the open." The Colonel ate his eggs and then asked BJ, "Any other incident last night?"

"No, actually, he slept like a baby after we woke him. No shouting, or nightmares." BJ replied and continued to eat what was left of his food.

Charles sat and listened carefully.

There was silence afterwards.

At Hawkeye's and Cicada's table, they started to talk in hushed voices, so no one would hear.

"So, what now?" Cicada wondered as she put her fork down to look at Hawkeye.

"Well, but guess, they'll probably call in a psychiatrist. Sidney Freedman. He'll examine me and probably you but not at the same time and we'll hopefully be crazy enough to go home." Hawkeye looked at her.

"Ummm Hawk? I meant to tell you, next week, I'm going home. Remember when I called Tokyo? Well they said I was wounded enough and did my movement and was able to go home. I asked about you and they said you can't go home. You still have 'duty' as they call it. I personally don't believe them, but if this... Sidney Freedman diagnoses you right, then you will be home free!"

"You mean to tell me that you can go home, and I have to stay in this hellhole?"

"I'm sorry, Hawkeye." Cicada was sympathetic now, the news hurts him so. Who could blame him?

"I hate this war!" After he said that, he stormed out back to the Swamp and stayed there leaving his tray on the table with Cicada. Colonel Potter, BJ and Margaret didn't mind, he was usually like that at breakfast. Cicada sat by herself and finished her coffee. Following that, she went back to the VIP tent because there was nothing for her to do at a MASH unit.

--

**Mid Afternoon 2:00**

An army green jeep went through the camp near the post op's entrance. Mud was on the tires and the whole outdoors. A man with a brown mustache and curly brown hair came out. He saluted the driver and went on his way to see his next patient. He went to Colonel Potter's office.

"Sidney! Good to see you, want a drink?" The Colonel greeted.

"No thanks, Colonel. So, whose my patient this time?" Sidney sat himself down and listened to Colonel Potter.

"Pierce." He said solemnly.

"Hawkeye really? What happen?" The psychiatrist responded.

"Ok, the lowdown. Him and another nurse, whom you'll be looking at too were sent to an aid station and didn't come back for two weeks. The reason: they were prisoners of war. Captured and escaped here three night ago. Lately, Pierce has been shouting in the night, crying for help and all. Nightmares. He doesn't talk much and stays in the Swamp. As for the girl, she's quiet as a mouse. She doesn't have any nightmares, but stirs somewhat. Also, she wasn't as shocked to be back as Hawkeye was. Something must of happened before." The Colonel took a break and looked at Sidney.

Sidney took each word in to try to figure out the puzzle. After a moment's thought, he finally said "Each one has had trauma, or a memory they rather not bring up. Something is hiding inside of them and is affecting them in a way. The way they talk and such. I'll talk to Hawkeye first, since he has the nightmares." He leaned back in his chair.

"I will have to warn you, Sidney, he isn't the same. He lost weight, he scrawnier and has more white and gray in his hair. He's not as cheery as he used to be. But, that's why you're here. I hope you can help him."

"I'll do the best I can. In the meantime, I'd like to stay in the Swamp and observe him if possible." Sidney took his things and head to the Swamp. Inside, Hawkeye was sleeping and BJ was drinking gin and greeted Sidney warmly.

"Good to see you, Sidney. Your patient is in exposed right now and can't talk, but later you can." BJ took a sip of gin.

"That's alright. So how have you been?" Sidney set his stuff down and sat on the cot.

"Oh, ok I guess. Hawkeye's my main concern. I have never seen him act this way before, Sidney. Even when he came back, he wasn't the same. He seem paranoid of me, and exhausted. He lost so much weight that I barely recognized him. I thought he was someone else. But Sidney, he's a new person. I don't think he even recognize me. I don't know what to do!" BJ calmed down and offered Sidney a drink, he accepted.

"You did everything you could. Something a friend would do. I wouldn't worry, I'll see what's bugging him." Sidney sipped his new gin and Hawkeye stirred a little. Sidney stared at him, so did BJ. "Has he been sleeping lately?"

"Somewhat, he walks around a lot except for Captain Sarkinsian."

"Captain Sarkinsian? Who is she?"

"She's an nurse, who needed assistance at the aid station and it was Hawkeye's turn to go. I don't know much, she keeps to herself too. I do know that her name is Cicada."

"Like the bug?"

"I suppose so. She was also wounded when she got here. Pretty bad too. Not severe, but bad."

"I'm guessing that she stole Hawkeye's heart and both got captured."

"And she hasn't gotten any nightmares. Nothing. No flashbacks. Just silent."

"She must of experience this before."

At that moment, Hawkeye sprung up like a canon. He looked around the room and Sidney watched him. Potter was right, he has changed. He was skinner, he did look scrawny and he did look weak. Hawkeye's changed. Sidney caught his eye. He stretched and just sat.

"Hi, Hawkeye." Sidney said.

Hawkeye paused for a moment then finally managed to say "Hi Sidney. They must of told you I'm a nut case, huh?" He did his sly smiled and BJ came into the conversation.

"Well, I'll just leave you two alone and come back later. See ya Hawk, Sidney." BJ got up and left the room.

It was silent for about ten minutes and Sidney started talking. "I see you had some adventure while I was gone, huh?"

Hawkeye set him a glare. "How would **you** know?" He snapped.

"I have my sources. I hear that you have been having nightmares and keeping to yourself except for Captain Sarkinsian."

"So?"

"Do you like her?"

"Sidney, where is this going? If I didn't like her, then why do I keep talking to her?" He paused then said "Of course I like her."

"Are you in a relationship?"

"Not yet."

"Tell me what happened. The nightmares."

"I rather not."

"Come on, Hawk. You'll feel better once you get it out."

Hawkeye stood up and walked around the room before replying. He was limping and Sidney noticed it. It was bad.

"How did you get the limp?" Sidney asked.

"I fell." Hawkeye snapped.

"Where did you fall?"

"In a cell."

"Was that where the nightmares started?"

"No. It was a beach."

Sidney noticed that Hawkeye was starting to open up. He leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other putting his hands on there. He had to be patient and it was going to be hard. "A beach, huh?"

"Yea."

"How did you get on the beach?"

Hawkeye took a deep breath and leaned against the Swamp door with arms crossed. He started to talk. He couldn't hide it anymore. He was caught red hand. He had to bring the memory back to life to get Sidney off his back.

"After I was caught, we went to a prison camp. I stayed there for about a day and moved out again. This time, near the edge of Korea. The Pacific Ocean. They loaded their belongings, tying me to the cart like a slave with rope. The guards sat in the cargo nice and cozy with their guns pointing out in case I messed up. I walked, or limped besides the.

"We got there and on the way was a beach. I wasn't paying attention then. On the beach was a cliff facing the ocean blue. We passed by it as we were heading our way.

"It was a slow walked and they unloaded near a small shack like thing. They untied me to come with them. Apparently, they don't trust me and they pulled me by the rope to come along. I did. We went back to the beach with reasons unknown. It was only five minutes away.

"We finally got there and on the cliff was a line. A line of people. Big, small, young and old. It consisted of women and children. Mind you that the cliff was wide and there the water was deep." Hawkeye took a break for a moment, since he voice was cracking.

Sidney made him continue. "Why were they standing in line?"

Hawkeye continued. "I watched them. So did the guards and they were smiling. They mumbled something in Korean which I don't speak or understand. They people too. It wasn't loud. But each person, or the majority of the people in the line were mumbling something. A woman stood on the cliff at the point of it. I saw that she was young, somewhere in her 20s. She was sobbing softly. I saw it. Her hands reached her face to wipe the tears. She then spread her arms out and... and she, dropped. She dropped. SHE DROPPED!! She hit the water! She committed her own SUICIDE!" Hawkeye started crying then in between said "The next was a child and he did the same thing! One by one!!" He cried loudly. He wasn't done. "I shouted out to them! I shouted NO! They did not hear me. They never listened to me! I started to run, but the guards yanked my rope harder and fell. They pinned me down like prey. I still shouted. I shouted for a long time. The guards kicked sand in my face so I would shut up. I finally did. I couldn't save those women!!" He cried some more uncontrollably now. Sidney just let him. _That's what's bugging him. _He thought.

Sidney sat for a moment, then put his hand on Hawkeye's shoulder for sympathy, and let his friend cry.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_A/N: Thank you for those who are still reading. Some information Colonel Potter will tell is based on an actual fact my grandfather has told me. Feel welcome to review or opinion on the story. This chapter is going to be depressing as well, but not as bad as last. Please enjoy and review!! _

**6:00 that evening**

It was done. All of it was done. Sidney's job was half done. Now the other one, but not till tomorrow. Hawkeye's confession wearied him out. He went into the mess tent for something to eat. As for Hawkeye, he stayed in the Swamp and fell asleep.

"He saw that?!" Margaret shouted as Sidney explained the whole situation of Hawkeye's status at a bench with Colonel Potter, Charles and BJ. The whole story shocked the whole group. It was confidential for a psychiatrist to reveal a session with a patient, part of the doctor/patient deal, but this was necessary.

"That's part of war, Margaret." The elderly man of the group replied. "I know a man who was forced to see his buddies die right in front of him. One saw his buddy's head lying on the ground. He had to carry off the field, couldn't walk and wasn't the same again. I never knew what happen to him. The point, it's not unusual to see the locals get killed or kill themselves. This is war." The Colonel sipped his coffee.

"But why would they kill themselves? They don't have hope that the war is over, or no relatives..." Margaret continued to ask.

Sidney was going to answer, but the Colonel took it from there. "Part of that and propaganda. You see, the people hear only listen to what the officials tell them to believe. For instance, in WWII, the Americans were considered pigs who raped the women... Pardon my language. They were told that we tortured every prisoner, women and children--"

"But we don't do that, Colonel." Margaret interrupted.

"I know that, you know that, everyone at this table knows that. Hell, America knows that. But they didn't. Officials told them to take their own lives and the children's too. That's just what they did." He said in a serious matter and ate some more.

"Now that Hawkeye's confessed it, it'll take him a while to get use to the idea. He may not have anymore nightmares, but there isn't a guarantee. He could still trigger a memory. But now, it won't be bad." The psychiatrist pointed out.

"So that's good, so Hawk'll be back to normal?" His bunk mate, BJ asked.

"Not all the way but pretty much."

"That's good then." BJ said assured.

"Now, what about this Captain Sarkinsian?" Sidney asked changing the topic.

"I don't know much," the Colonel answered. "I looked through records, lied about her education. She dropped out at 17, went to medical school by bribing the teachers and was top of her class. Joined the Army four years later. No one knows that she doesn't have a GED. She plans on keeping it secret. She was born and raised in Texas. Siblings. Not sure about parental information since she left it blank. Full name: Cicada Ginger Rose Sarkinsian. Must of had loving parents to get a name like that."

"Where is she now?" Sidney asked.

"She was in here..." Margaret replied as she looked around. "I guess she left for the VIP tent."

"How long is she here for."

"The end of the week. Two days and homeward bound." Colonel Potter answered.

--

**The Next Day**

He went to the VIP tent and knocked lightly. Cicada was sleeping, sprawled out on the bed in her filthy uniform. "mhmmm." He knocked again.

Cicada made a motion and finally said "Who the hell is it!? Can't you tell when a person is sleeping? State your business."

"Sidney Freedman. Just wanted to talk."

"You the psychiatrist Hawkeye was talking about?"

"Yea."

"I know why your here and let me just say I don't have the dreams he has. If you just want to talk, why not tomorrow? I'm in pain and ain't up for company."

"I just wanted to meet you."

"Fine but for a minute. Enter and excuse my appearance please."

Sidney entered as saw a woman who was thin, tanned and weak. She sat up slowly, stretched and her eyes were wide enough now where she could see him. He looked down while she looked up.

"Sidney Freedman." He greeted putting his hand out.

"Cicada Sarkinsian. Nice to meet you. Sit, please." She grasped her hand into his and with the other, she motioned a chair.

"Thank you." He sat across from her, surprised by her appearance as well. She had black hair, and big brown eyes that looked like a puppy's, cuts all over her tanned Indian body, skinny milk bottle for legs, thin hands which were shaky. Her appearance was pretty much like Hawkeye's.

"What can I do for you?"

"Just talk. How did you get here?"

"I ran."

"Where were you before that?"

"In a hospital bed in a God forsaken city in the middle of Korea."

"You were in a prison camp, right? What did they do?"

"Beat the hell out of me. I didn't dwell on it, like Hawk did. And I don't dream about it. I'm use to it."

"You are? This was your second time in a POW camp?"

"Of course not, if it was my second time in a POW camp, I'd be home by now. I'm use to it because when I was little."

Sidney crossed his arms on his chest and his legs looking interested than ever. "Really. What did happen?"

Cicada stood up, stretched and sat back down again. Her legs were spread out and her elbows rested on her knees. Her fingers overlapped each other. "This isn't going to be easy to admit, but I'm not comfortable with psychiatrists. Don't get me wrong, I bet your great. But, when I was little, my mom always went to see them or visa versa.

"My mother is a paranoid schizophrenia. My brother always said it happened shortly after I was born. Ever since I could remember, she was in and out of institutions. There was only three where we lived. San Antonio, Dallas and Austin. Those were our three locations. We moved around. And mama wasn't there for me. If she was, I was figuring out if I was in her logic or not.

"My father was there, along with my two older brothers and older sister. I was the youngest. My father was a strong devoted strict Cherokee man. He had such a serious face that never cracked a smile. He was chief in our tribe. Originally, both my parents were from Georgia, but moved to Texas. My dad was there for me.

"I never admitted this to anyone before. My father was an abusive man. Some of the time, he was drunk. He would whoop us good. Some of the time for no apparent reason. Everyday. Sunday-Saturday. He would whip us, burn us, hit us with chairs and what not. He never cared. He was so good at it, we were always the ones wearing long sleeves in the middle of a heat wave. We were always teased by our friends and people at school. We just never had the guts to admit Dad hit us. We never cried for help because Dad always threaten to do something. We never dared tell Mama, she wouldn't believe us anyway. Mama never knew about it. But one thing was for sure, he loved my Mama.

"There was one time when I was eight when he pushed me into a lake. He knew I didn't know how to swim and I went in. A lifeguard rescued me barely. From then on, I now knew that he wanted me dead and I was on my own.

"We got older, and the others moved out. Escaped is more like it and left me behind to deal with him. Now, I was my father's play toy. I never came home till late at night. I stole things, got in trouble with my friends, all of the works. I was always in trouble with the law, but I didn't care. I was 16, Mama was in the institution that year for eight months. I was flunking school, which I got beat for too. But I was coming home late and he didn't beat me much at night. He managed sometimes though.

"Finally when I was 17, I couldn't take it. I was cutting myself, just giving good ole' Dad a head start. I didn't have anything to live by; I mean he wanted me dead anyway. But something stopped me and I didn't kill myself. Instead, I started my own life and the first step was running away from Dad. I escaped too. I lived with some friends, attended medical school with bribe. In other words, having sex. As long as it got me into the medical school, I was good. I did go it, and joined the service four years later. They never found out about my record, I never told. They don't know about me not having a GED and I don't plan on telling. I plan to go back to school someday. Maybe after the war.

"You see, all of this, the camp and all is just another memory I will have to live with. I didn't cry there and I'm not crying now." Cicada concluded.

Sidney who was memorized with her tale had sympathy on her. "Did you cry when you were little? Did you cry for your mom?"

"Of course I did, you would have to be stupid not to cry for your own mother."

"Have you ever talked to your dad since then?"

"Hell no. Once he gets off that damn whiskey, I'll talk." Cicada yawned a little. She's been tired lately and she was getting aggravated by where the conversation was heading.

Sidney noticed this and said, "Why don't we continue this conversation tomorrow, huh? You already said enough information today." He got up and said goodbye to Cicada. Cicada, gave a little wave and plopped back down on the bed and could not believe what she had just done.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Cicada sat on her bunk and reflected everything she had told Sidney. The memories came back to her and it was horror. She remembered every detail from the clothes to the smells and minutes they took place. All Cicada had to wonder now was if she was going to be put away, just like her mother. She felt sick; her stomach was doing flips inside from the thought. She was going home with an honor, fighting for her country, being captured by the enemy and surviving but not going psycho in the war.

She didn't know what was going to happen and didn't want to find out. Cicada's stomach continued to turn inside out and she decided to stay in her tent for the rest of the night. Besides her stomach, she didn't want to see Sidney Freedman or the rest of the 4077th for that matter. She didn't want to be ridiculed or have sympathy on her. Why should people care for her now? They should have cared for her then, when she was really hurt. She didn't was sympathy from anyone, especially in a war. She was having a war of her own, and it was internal.

Cicada laid down holding her stomach tightly and rocked back and forth. It was just like home, where she would lie curled up in her room waiting for her father's angry to subside due to the injuries that he has done to her. Cicada lied down and had a flashback, not the beatings, but with her friends making a decision which could of caused her life itself.

_There was a knock at the door. It was hard and quick. A 17 year old Jacquelyn Brown, the owner of the house went to door and wondered who was knocking franticly. _

"_Cicada? Cicada? You ok?" It was her best friend, Cicada Sarkinsian, 16 years old. She looked at her friend's fear stricken face and saw her blood. She knew right away. "He whipped you again, didn't he?" _

_Cicada nodded slowly. She ran all the way to Jacquelyn's just to get away from it all. She was breathing hard, holding her stomach and was about to burst into tears. She stood helpless on the threshhold. _

"_Come on in" Jacquelyn opened her door wide enough for Cicada to squeeze through. She told Cicada to sit down and she would go get some bandages, cloths and ice. Cicada sat on the couch as Jacquelyn headed for the kitchen. A few minutes later she came back with her items and cared for her hurt friend. "So, what happen this time?" _

_Cicada finally caught her breath and started to talk. "I came home from school with my report. You remember it, right? I was flunking, so I was actually brave enough to hand it to him. He studied it hard. Jacquelyn, I think he was actually studying it. Anyway, he finally looked up at me and gave me a hard stare and said to me, 'This yours?' I answered 'Yea Dad, its mind'. He became silent for five minutes and then said 'You're flunking everything. What's the matter with you, girl? Are you stupid or something? I expect you to do better! So why don't you do it?' I answered that I didn't know and we started arguing about the whole thing and Mama. When I said Mama, he got really ticked off and quickly grabbed his whip and whipped me good. He continued to yell and scream at me and once he was done with the worst part, I ran. So, here I am" Cicada concluded this. _

"_How do you live with yourself, Cicada? What is this, the third time he beat you this week?" Jacquelyn finished patching up her friend and put the leftover things aside. _

"_Yea, but I don't plan on living for very long. Look at my wrists." Cicada showed Jacquelyn her wrists. On them were scars of knife cuts. _

"_Cicada, you been cutting yourself? Why can't you just talk to someone, the counselors at school, they could help you." _

"_No, Jacquelyn, they can't for many reasons. For one, they'll find out that my mother is crazy and they'll send me with her which I don't want. The second thing is they don't know my pain. They don't know what's it's like for me and talking about it will make it feel better? I don't think so. The third and final thing is that my dad literally threatens to hurt me badly if we were to speak a word to anyone about this." Cicada still kept her wrists out and studied them. _

"_So, what, are you going to keep doing this?" _

"_No. I was actually thinking of suicide. I'll already have a head start with these scars."_

"_You can't do that. You have so much to live for."_

"_No I don't. I can't stand my life. I'm abused everyday by my father. My mother is officially crazy and my siblings left me with my father. I don't have anything to look forward to in life. I'm a failure. You're the only person I ever spoke to about my abuse and no one else will find out. This is why I have decided to kill myself today, here. Gotta knife?" _

"_You know what, Cicada? Go on ahead, kill yourself. I'm going to miss you while you're away in limbo, heaven or hell. And frankly I don't want any part of it!" _

"_You won't have to. I'll make it an accident scene. I'll pretend I'm chopping something, you leave the room and I 'accidentally' cut myself. It's perfect and you won't have to go to jail." Cicada got up and slowly walked to the kitchen. Jacquelyn stayed back for the moment almost in tears. _

"_You're actually going to go through it? Any message you want me to tell anyone?" _

"_No, I don't think so." Cicada shouted in the kitchen to Jacquelyn. She went through the drawers of the kitchen until she found the sharpest knife she could find and finally found one. She held the knife in her hand and was ready to cut one of her wrists. She took the blade closer, the sharp gray blade. She got the blade closer and the tip touched her skin. She froze and dropped the knife. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't. Not right now. The sound was heard in the living room followed by another hard drop. Jacquelyn came rushing in and saw the knife and her friend on the ground, crying for mercy. Jacquelyn went to comfort and told her it's going to be ok. They sat on the tile kitchen floor and hugged for the longest time._

Back in reality, Cicada remembered that day. She undid her sleeves and looked on the wrists. The scars were faded and hardly noticeable, but Cicada always saw them. They were a memory of something that she could easily do again, and she just might after all that she has been through. (Aside from her troubled past.)

--

Back in the Swamp, Hawkeye sat silently. He was not in bad shape as Cicada is, since he was never abused as a child. But he still had the memories of what a soldier had. The terrors of war. Hawkeye got up and made his way to the mess tent, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting next to the usually gang, this time Sidney joining them. He was talking about Cicada and the best thing to do for her.

"I believe she probably needs some psychiatric help in the states. She may be holding a grudge against them, but she definitely needs it." Sidney concluded waiting for others to comment.

"I agree. A young woman like that who has been through so much, especially this needs help. I'm shocked she even survived it." Margaret commented.

"She is a strong woman. Very strong and smart in her own way. She's very fortunate to be alive."

Hawkeye kept silent and just listened to the conversation. He would state his opinion, but wasn't up for it right now. He was exhausted, for reasons unknown.

"Yes," Margaret agreed. "It's a shocker that she hasn't committed suicide yet." She sipped her coffee and the conversation continued for the rest of dinner.

_A/N: I'm not a medical person and not sure how real diagnoses go. I would like you to comment, bad or good. Criticism or praise. Hope you enjoy it so far. _


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

After the dinner conversation, everyone went their separate ways. Hawkeye, BJ and Sidney went to the Swamp. Colonel Potter and Margaret went to their own tents. Hawkeye instantly went to his bunk and fell asleep, not even having a nightcap of gin. BJ and Sidney each had a glass of gin and hit the hay. It was for once a peaceful night.

Cicada lay awake for half the night haunted by her flashback. She realized that after that incident she didn't cut herself again. She did have thoughts of cutting herself again, but she always went against the idea. Cicada considered now that she may do it again. No one would know. They would assume that it was war wounds. No matter how many times she talked to that psychiatrist, her memories would never go away. Cutting herself was just another way of dealing with the pain. Just like the way she did with her childhood. She was still debating. Just like she told Jacquelyn; talking doesn't always work.

Cicada finally fell asleep and for once it was peaceful, no more nightmares.

-- **The Next Morning**

"Attention, Attention all personnel incoming wounded. There's plenty to go around." The PA system called out. All medical units went to the scene, including Hawkeye.

"Uh, Hawkeye, I don't think you're ready for surgery yet. Why don't you go back to the Swamp? We have Sidney to help us out." BJ said to his friend.

"No, I'm going. I can't hide forever. I'll be fine, Beej, trust me." Hawkeye said reassuringly.

"That's what I'm afraid of" BJ muttered. He ran to see the casualties. There was plenty to go around.

Colonel Potter and Charles were scrubbing up when BJ, Hawkeye and Sidney came in. The Colonel was shocked.

"Pierce, what are you doing here?" Colonel Potter asked.

"What do you think I'm here for? Surgery, of course and that's what I'm going to do. I'm the chief surgeon, which gives me the privilege to go into surgery." Hawkeye said as he was getting changed. Colonel Potter motioned for Sidney to come closer.

"Sidney, is he in good shape to operate?" The elder surgeon asked in a whisper. "I don't want him going cuckoo on me in the operating room if you know what I mean."

Sidney, assured answered him. "It should be good for him. Going back to work is the best thing for him right now. He had enough time to cope and doing a good job of it. He didn't snap. Let's see how it goes. If it doesn't go well, then I'll be sure he'll get out of there. Do you need me inside?" Sidney concluded pointing to the operating room.

"You might as well scrub up just in case. How's the girl doing?"

"She's in worse shape. I haven't seen here this morning or last night, I'll see her later though."

"Could you two kindly quit the chit-chat and get on in here?" Charles Emerson Winchester III said irritably.

"What was that, Winchester? I don't believe my bird hanging on the rack hear you." The Colonel snapped back.

"Nothing, sir. See you inside." Charles gulped and went in. Colonel Potter and Sidney headed on in, behind was BJ and Hawkeye. And thus began the surgery.

--

When Cicada was assured that the staff was in surgery, she snuck into the kitchen, grabbed something to eat and got herself a knife. She finally made her decision about whether or not she should start cutting herself again. She went for it. She grabbed the butter knife, and went back to her tent. It may not be sharp, but it would have to do. She only had to spend this last day here. But she wasn't sure if she could survive it any longer. She rolled her sleeve up, since it was already unbuttoned from last night and took the knife in her left hand. She laid her other wrist down on her knee and slowly put the knife on her wrist. Cicada made sure that it wasn't on the major vein or she would have been in big trouble. She lightly traced the knife back and forth on her wrist until she was sure to do it again. She is.

Cicada put the knife back to the top of her wrist. Pressing hard, she went down, making the first cut. Blood oozed out like a mini river. "Hello, again" she said. "You are my relief." She watched the blood go down her arm and around her wrist. She studied it and memories flooded in. She made one more cut and studied the blood some more. It was dripping all over her uniform. She lifts her wrist up so she had a better view of it. It was exactly how she remembered it. This time, she didn't cry. This time, she smiled slightly. Because that's all she could really do. Cicada didn't go for a bandage yet, she wanted her memories to come back. Those memories were, of course this whole entire war; the experience in a POW camp and lastly, her father. This was why she was doing this in the first place.

--

**4 hours later**

"That was some session, don't you think, Hawkeye?" BJ said as they went into the light. He arched his back and waited an answer from his friend who survived the whole surgery without snapping.

"Not like the others," Hawkeye replied. His scrubs were still on and the both of them walked slowly to the mess tent and make an attempt to get something to eat. They walked ahead, and behind him were Colonel Potter and Sidney quickly discussing Hawkeye's progress.

"I'm actually impressed, Sidney. That boy didn't even snap into pieces. I was expecting he would." Colonel Potter said pleased.

"I supposed that he learned to cope with it. The memory is still with him, but he won't dwell on it." Sidney answered.

"So, is he normal again?"

"If he always makes those comments in the OR, then, yes I would say so."

"What about your other patient?"

"I'll see her after a bite to eat." The two men went on their way continuing to talk. Behind them were Charles and Margaret. Charles was courting her to the mess tent, and she accepted the offer. Everyone was in the mess tent talking and laughing; relieved that the work was done.

After he finished his meal, Sidney excused himself to check up on his other patient. He walked across the compound to Cicada's tent and knocked.

"Who is it?"

"Sidney Freedman. Just wasn't to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine, really." Cicada forgot to change out of her uniform filled with blood. She cursed herself and tried to convince Sidney that she was fine. He wouldn't buy it.

"I'll only be in for a few minutes." He assured outside.

Cicada, scrambling to clear the area said that she'll be ready in a minute. In that minute, Cicada changed her pants and actually covers her wrists with the bandage and her sleeves from the uniform. Convinced that she was ready, she answered the door.

"Won't you come in?" Cicada said and opened the door wide enough so he could come in. "What can I do for you?" Sidney sat down on the bunk and did point blank.

"You don't look well, you ok?" Sidney asked.

"I'm fine," she answered. It was quick to the point.

"You feeling alright after our discussion the last evening?"

"Yea. Well, I don't want to waste anymore of you time. You may have important thing to do. Besides, I have to pack. Tomorrow, I'm actually going home."

"Oh really? Where are you going to go?" Sidney inquired.

"With my friend until I can find a place."

"Oh. Ok. Well, you have a lot to do, so I won't was time. Glad you're better." At that moment, Sidney stood up and looked around the room. He scanned the place and saw the knife. The knife which Cicada cut herself with. On the edge, Sidney saw blood. Or at least that's what it looked like to him. But he was certain that it was blood. _She's been cutting herself. _He thought. Sidney waved goodbye and left her room. Cicada plopped down on her bunk and was relieved that he never found out what she had done. She was wrong.

Sidney walked out of the tent and came to the conclusion that he was going to make some phone calls. She wasn't fit to go back into the real world again. She was cutting herself, but for how long? Sidney would probably never know the answer to that. Cicada would never admit it and he didn't know who would know. He thought about who to call and what to do with her. One thing was for sure: she needed help and she needed now or her life would be over.

_A/N: Bad? Good? Lend your voice. Thanks for reading. _


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Cicada's heart was pounding inside her chest. It was like a drum playing the same rhythm. She had a feeling Sidney Freedman was going to do something. She didn't know what. Cicada stood up, uneasy about the whole thing. She paced back and forth until she made a decision. When she was done packing, Cicada was going to go up the hill at this MASH unit. No one would find her. Besides, it gave her peace and quiet for a while away from the tent. She hasn't been out in over a day, and needed the fresh air.

Cicada finished the last suitcase and inspected the room to make sure she didn't miss anything. She noticed something. _The knife. _She completely forgot that the knife was there. She hoped that Sidney Freedman didn't see it; if she was lucky. She wasn't. Cicada went to the table, grabbed the knife and stared into it. The blood was dry. She rubbed her thumb on the sharp edge that she cut herself. Debating whether to put it back or not, Cicada put it in her pocket and ran out of there to the hill.

--

Sidney went into the Colonel's office asking where Cicada was going tomorrow. Once he got his answer, he explained Cicada's situation to him. Sympathetically, the Colonel finally responded. "What are you proposing to do, Sidney? She can't stay here, although I would live her to stay due to her condition. Where are you going to take her where she won't become suspicious?" The Colonel then helped himself to the liquor cabinet for some brandy, offering some to Sidney who declined.

"Well, if she's going to Tokyo, I'll ask the driver to take her to Tokyo General. Then, I'll work with her then. They have more to offer than in Seoul." Sidney said sure of the decision.

Colonel Potter took a sip of brandy, sat back at his desk and told Sidney. "Do what you have to do. Make that girl well."

"I'll try." Sidney said getting up and making the phone calls.

--

Hawkeye, who was back to normal celebrated his new found self and had a drink in the officer's club on the house. He still had lost weight, but he could gain it back in a month or so. He sat in the stool with BJ and was laughing hard enjoying his life. His mind was off of the war and the wounded. His only concern now was getting drunk but not too drunk since he had Post Op in an hour or so.

When he was satisfied with his drinks, Hawkeye went back to the Swamp and freshen up for Post Op. He didn't want to go in there as a drunken man. That was unprofessional. He then went into Post Op. He was finally back to normal.

--

For the majority of the day and part of the night, Cicada sat under the tree on the hill with the knife in her hands. She heard that Hawkeye was back to normal and was happy for him. She knew he would get through it all. And Cicada knew that she wouldn't.

She sat and reflected. Cicada remembered her suicide attempt when she was only sixteen. She thought that things probably wouldn't go her way back in the states. If that happened, she was going to try to commit suicide again. This time thought, she was going to succeed. If the psychiatrist was going to put her away, she was going to try it. Nothing was going to stop her. She wasn't going to end up like her mother.

Cicada loved her mother, but not like any other person with their mothers. Hers wasn't always there to cook and clean or greet you with cookies when you came home from school. No. Hers was the one in and out of the mental institutions because of her own reality.

The times that her mother was there it was a miracle. Her mom (when she was normal) would tell her stories of her tribe. Of how they traveled through the harsh ships of the white men. Or the legends of the forces of nature and the ceremonies they celebrated. Lastly, her name. _Cicada. _Her mother named her after the beautiful noise of the cicada. Her mother adored the sound they made as a whole team. It sounded like a chorus doing a concert for all to hear. _Ginger_, her middle name was from the most used spice and of course, _Rose_ her other middle name was her mother's favorite flower. Cicada loved to hear these stories. It made her forget that her mother wasn't all there.

Cicada was Cherokee. Full breed. Her mother use to tell Cicada to "be proud of your heritage and stand strong even if the people around you do not." That did nothing for Cicada now. She was always picked on at the schools. After all, it was tough being the only 'Native American' in the entire school. Sometimes, Cicada wished that she would disappeared but at other times, made her proud that she was different.

Then again, she always wished she would disappeared. Her father was an abusive man. It seems like that she was blamed for her mother's illness. After all, it did occur after Cicada was born. Cicada always lived with the guilt feeling. If people told her it wasn't her fault, she couldn't believe them. She always blamed herself.

Cicada took a deep sigh and tapped the knife on her knee. She then decided to go back to her tent for the remainder of the evening. She got herself up and headed to the camp. It was already dust and the stars were out. She took her time going back, no one was going to miss her. She held the knife tightly.

Five minutes later, she was at her tent. It was silent. Cicada turned on the light remade her bunk and lay back down. She shut the light off and held the knife close to her. Shortly after that, she fell asleep.

**Eight Hundred Hours the next day. (8:00)**

Cicada woke up early that day and went into the sunlight. It was warm and beautiful. Cicada enjoyed it. She grabbed her suitcase of what little she had waiting for her ride home. She put the knife in a little compartment. Hawkeye was up too and greeted her.

"Morning, Cicada." Hawkeye said as he grabbed her waist. Cicada giggled.

"Hi, how are you?" She replied.

"Pretty good. I'm not going home, although I deserve it. Sidney said I'm sane enough to stay where I am."

"Oh, really. Did he leave already?"

"Yeah, he left an hour ago. Had to go back to Tokyo."

"What a coincidence. I'm headed there to catch the first flight to Texas!" Cicada answered cheerfully.

"Lucky."

"I am going to miss one thing though. That'll be you, Hawkeye." She locked lips with him. It was long, and memorable.

At that moment, a jeep came by and honked his horn shouting, "Cicada? Cicada Sarkinsian? Are you Cicada Sarkinsian?" He pulled the jeep near the two and asked his question once more.

"Yes, I am. I'll be right with you." She turned back to Hawkeye. "Tell the Colonel I am grateful for all he has done. Goodbye, Hawkeye. May you be good at everything you do. I will not forget you." She kissed him again.

Hawkeye let go of her lips and replied back in a whisper, "Goodbye, Cicada." With that he gave her a hug. A moment later, she let go, headed to the jeep and was on her way. Cicada turned around and waved to Hawkeye once more. With his traditional grin on his face, he raised his had up and waved again as well. He watched until she was out of his sight forever.

--

Cicada got to Tokyo ok, except she was going to a hospital not the airport. The driver that picked her up from the airport had special orders to take directly to the hospital-no exceptions. Although she was supposed to go home three weeks, there had been a change of plans. Aside from Sidney's plan, HQ realized they made a mistake and she could go home ASAP.

They drove to the hospital.

"Aren't we supposed to go to the other airport?" Cicada asked with concern in her voice.

"Nope, I had special orders to take you elsewhere, Miss." The driver responded still keeping his eyes on the road.

"What kind of _special orders_?" Cicada asked angrily.

"Sorry, not suppose to reveal that, Miss." He replied.

About ten minutes passed and they finally came to where they going. Cicada read the sign which was loud and clear. **Tokyo General Hospital. **

That rat! Cicada thought. She knew that Sidney had something to do with this. The driver parked near the entrance since he wasn't going to be there for very long. They both got out and went inside the building.

It was a long building. All the walls and floors were white. They headed to the visitor's desk. A nurse asked them a few questions and forcing Cicada to sign some papers. From the left side of the desk, came Dr. Sidney Freedman who greeted his next patient.

_A/N: Almost done! Please keep the reviews coming. They help a lot. _


	15. Chapter 15

_Chapter 15_

_A/N: I really don't know what they do at a hospital to mentally ill people. I hope you can bear with me and still enjoy the story. And review! Lend your voice to my ears. _

Cicada froze dead in her place at the sight of Sidney. He was smiling and greeting his guest. But her face just hardens even more. She was angry and pissed at the whole entire thing. She knew he was up to something, she knew it.

"Cicada, so nice of you to join us!" He said in a pleasing matter. "Why don't we get you settled in?" Cicada remained silent. She filled out the necessary paperwork and reluctantly followed Sidney to what was suppose to be her room. The room number was 666.

"I'll let you get changed and we'll discuss why you're here, ok?"

"Uh, yea, sure, whatever." Cicada stated coldly. Sidney then left the room and gave Cicada some privacy. The room was small, and white once again. It reminded her of the POW camp hospital she was at. Unlike that one, this one was American. And she could get up and down as she pleased. As well as go near a window without special devices on it. No one was at the door with a gun in their hands preparing to kill anyone who comes out. She enjoyed this better than the other one. Cicada would take this one any day.

When she was sure he was gone, she went to lock the door. She didn't want him peeking in as she was changing or figuring out ways to get out of there. She took off her uniform, found the pajama like clothes she was supposed to change in and did so. It was pants and shirt. She took her time doing in.

Before she unlocked the door, she went into her suitcase and took her knife out. If there was a stupid reason why she was here, she was getting ready to fight her way out. When she was sure she was ready, Cicada went and unlocked the door. She put the knife in her pocket of her pants and waited.

Five minutes passed and there was a knock on the door. Of, course Cicada couldn't guess who it was. She answered it. Sidney came right in. He grabbed one of the empty chairs in the room and sat down staring at Cicada. Cicada just stayed standing up, leaning against wall near the window staring back at Sidney.

"Do you know what you're here, Cicada?" Sidney asked.

"Honestly, no, I don't. Why don't you tell my why I'm here instead of on a plane back to Texas. Why don't you tell me that?"

"The knife." He said solemnly.

"What knife? I have no clue what you're talking about." She lied.

"I think you do, Cicada. The day before you left, I saw a knife on your table with a little blood on it. The night before that, you told me that you cut yourself when you were younger. Sure, you stopped, but it's not unusual for anyone to go back to that habit. You really think you can function in the real world after you saw. I would like you to stay here for a couple weeks of observation. If I see you're ok, you can go back to Texas. If not, we'll see what we can do."

"You don't believe me? That's really no surprise. So, I'm here because of something that happened in the past? Why not have Hawkeye here too? He had the same experience as me in those God forsaken POW camps? I told you I stopped cutting myself. Guaranteeing that I wouldn't go back." Cicada took a deep breath after her huge lie but she was desperate enough to get out of here.

"Hawkeye already dealt with the grief. He is not going around cutting himself. I know you're going to deny it because you want out, but I do know the truth, Cicada," He stood up then and headed towards the door. "And by my orders you are to stay here until further notice. Good day." With that, he left the room and Cicada was once again alone.

She took the knife out of her pocket and threw it to the door, putting a hole in it. "You bastard," She whispered. "You son of a bitch, no one can keep me in here forever. I'll get out of here, and you'll be sorry you ever messed with Cicada Ginger Rose Sarkinsian! You'll see!" She shouted toward the end.

Cicada slowly walked toward the door and yanked her knife out. There was a hole in the door and didn't care whether Sidney saw it or not. She could get another one in the kitchen of the hospital. Cicada wasn't stupid as others say she is. Just because she doesn't have a GED doesn't mean she is stupid. Cicada was actually smarter than her whole family, but never used the intelligence.

Changing the topic, she once again went on the bed with her knife and started to cut her wrists again. Once again she was alone, alone in a somewhat small room. It reminded Cicada of the many times she was locked in a closet. Her father would put her there hours on end without anything to eat or drink. It was usually dark and cramped. Although the room was big, the memories still pressed to the surface of her mind. Not to mention the two weeks she had been in that POW cell with shackles chaining her down like a wild animal. Cicada observed the room and noticed that there were towels and other items around the room. Before she even thought, Cicada grabbed some towels and placed them near her as well as a cup of water. She took her knife and headed straight towards the same spot she did it at the 4077th. She once again watched the blood run down her arm. She took one of the towels near her and pressed as hard as she could. When she squeezed it, the bleeding slows down because of the pressure you are putting on it.

When she was through with the cleanup of her habit, Cicada looked at the aftereffects of her wrist. They were bloody and sore. This came from the anger toward Sidney for taking her into this place. She should have fought back when she saw him, but refused because she didn't want to make a scene. Cicada cleaned up the leftover areas that she forgot about and changed her clothes again since the hospital had enough pajamas in one room to supply an army. All of this took ten minutes. Cicada lay back down on the bed and stared at nothing in particular. She thought about the reasoning of being here; Sidney's words still haunted her brain. She was also trying to debate whether or not she should escape, just like the prison camp. These thoughts bother her mind until her eyes got tired and closed very slowly.

--

Sidney Freedman walked down the corridors of the hospital telling the nurses and other staff to keep an eye on Room 666.

It was already mid afternoon when Cicada checked in. Sidney wasn't going to have her out in the open on the first night. He didn't know how sneaky she was, but he had a good feeling that she was good. So he came to the conclusion that the night meal shall be served in her room for the night. Then, tomorrow she could go out and join everyone else. "This is going to be a long two weeks." He murmured to himself.

--

There was a knock on Room 666's door. Cicada's eyes fluttered for a moment and she slowly got to a sitting position. The knock occurred again and in a soft sing voice she said "Anybody home? I have a meal for you."

Cicada cursed before getting up and groggily went to the door. Her hair was matted, her wrists were red from the cuts and her clothes were wrinkle from the positions she slept in. Reluctantly, she managed to get to the door and answered it.

Outside was cheery red-head in a snow white uniform with a smile that Cicada wanted to slap off of her and a tray in her hands.

"Hi, sleepy head" She said. "I have some food for you to eat. Why don't I come and settle it for you." She scurried in and settled the tray on Cicada's end table near her bed. It seemed that the nurse was also inspecting the room to make sure that nothing suspicious was going on. Satisfied, she turned back to Cicada, who was still standing near the door dumbfounded and spoke to her. "If you need anything, just call for Nurse Julia. I'll be back later on tonight to check up, ok?" She walked near the door where Cicada was standing. She was slightly taller than Cicada. Before she left, she pinched Cicada's cheek telling her to cheer up and finally left the room.

Nurse Julia closed the door behind her. Cicada then mocked her and held her hand to where she pinched her. "I'll see you later too, in Hell. Ok?" She said in a soft voice trying to copy the nurse. She then went to the bed and was seeing what the woman brought her.

To Cicada, it looked like hash, but didn't taste like it. It was more beef than anything. Also on the gray tray were vegetables and strawberries and something to drink. It wasn't alcohol, although it would have been cool if it was. Instead, it was water. Lousy water with beef and the other things. What a rip off! Realizing that it was better than the other junk she has been fed, she dug in.

After the meal, she put the tray and her trash back on the little table. She lay back down with a stuffed stomach. The food was good; the best that she had in a very long time. She laid back and was once again exhausted. She has been exhausted lately. Either because of her cuts or of the whole this whole entire experience all together. Either way, she went back to sleep. She didn't even hear Nurse Julia come in to take vital signs and take the tray away. It was going to be a long week.

--

In between the blinds of the windows, the sun shone it. It showed how white the room really was and there were strips on sun and shadows casting on the walls. The sun part was also cast onto Cicada's face which woke her up.

Cicada slowly opened her eyes and looked to where the light was coming from. Realizing that it was already morning, Cicada got up. Shortly after, a knock on the door, and a familiar manly yet soft voice was saying to come join the cafeteria for something to eat. Sidney Freedman.

Cicada remained silent hoping that he would go away. He didn't right away, he opened the door concerned that she could be dead he saw her standing up in one piece.

"Glad to see you alive. See you downstairs?" Sidney said as if they where started a conversation. Cicada nodded and he left the room.

Cicada grabbed the robe in a little closet. She put it on and found some slippers that were supplied to her. She slipped them on her scarred beaten feet and went into the corridors. Before she left, she grabbed her knife for an emergency and put it in the robe pocket so she could grab it in a hurry. Cicada couldn't trust anyone just yet.

Everything was bigger than she remembered from the day before. She observed every room as she was headed toward the cafeteria which was just head. It was a long hallway. Some of the rooms were empty, others were opened with people already in them or were just closed. The rooms that were opened, were the same format as Cicada's room. Exactly the same.

Cicada came to the cafeteria doors. They were the swing kind. When she was ready, she opened the doors. There were many people in a small cafeteria stuffing their faces with food. Some wore casts, others were in wheelchairs while others must of had a mental disability.

Cicada walked through the cafeteria slowly careful not to interrupt anybody. The tables were like benches and there was a line to get the food. Cicada spotted Sidney Freedman who gave a simple wave to her as she found her place in line. He watched her. But her eyes were wandering around the room trying to recognize the place. The line was long and she had a very long wait at the rate it was going. Tired of standing, Cicada sat down on the floor. She crossed her legs in the Indian style and leaned against the wall. No one seemed to mind.

Sidney was still curious at why she did that and went over to make sure she was alright. "Cicada? You ok?"

Cicada looked up at him and took a moment to answer. "Yeah, I guess."

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" He asked and sipped his coffee.

"Have you not seen this line? I've been standing for ten minutes. I can't do that anymore. Not until that POW camp where I had to stand in a field for 14 hours cutting grass." She seemed to have let go of her anger of Sidney for now, but she still wasn't fond of him. Hawkeye talked about him like a god, but he wasn't.

Sidney stayed silent for a moment and finally figured out what to say. "You want to get away from here don't you?"

"No, I want to get away from you." She stated coldly.

"Well, I'm sorry. But until I state you as fit, you are to stay here."

Cicada couldn't take it anymore. She guided her hand to the pocket of her robe and took the knife out and pointed straight at Sidney's chest! She stood up and threaten her with the knife. "You're going to get me out of here if it's the last thing I'll do!" Sidney put his hands up and slowly backed up.

"Cicada, put the knife down." He said calmly. Everyone looked toward the two and started to be alarmed. Sidney noticed this and told everybody to remain calm and get some backup to strain Cicada. Cicada wouldn't give up.

"There is nothing wrong with me! It's just all this damn war trauma as you so delicately put it. You don't know anything!"

"Cicada, perhaps we can talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about Dr. Freedman. Either you get me out of here or someone's going to get hurt."

"Cicada..."

"No! I should of known that this was a trap! When I stepped into here, I should of known that it was you behind this whole thing!" At this moment, Cicada burst into tears. She stopped pointing the knife toward Sidney and aimed it towards her wrists. She did the unthinkable. She cut through the biggest vein in her wrist. Blood was running like a waterfall. Cicada went down on the ground after her knees buckled. Sidney looked down towards her, She was growing pale, and the blood kept flowing out. She can't be saved.

About three minutes later, the help came but it was too late. That day, Captain Cicada Ginger Rose Sarkinsian died. She bleed to death. She was only 22 years old. She finally escaped the abuse, and now laid on death's ears.

Sidney felt the guilt because before Cicada, another patient killed himself. He could of saved her, but didn't. He put in calls to the family. Her father didn't seem to mind, the same with the siblings and of course her mother was a wreck. Her little cicada is gone away from this world forever. When Jacquelyn found out, she knew it was how she was going to die. It was only a matter of time.

Captain Cicada Ginger Rose Sarkinsian was a hero. She was the only woman to actually survive the depths of the enemy war camps as well as a tortured childhood. But when demons came, like everyone else she followed them.

_A/N: That's the end. I know it's sad but not everything is a happy ending. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Please leave a comment and thanks for reading,. _


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